Many parents may feel hurt or upset when their child lies to them. It can be about anything such as where they are, what they are doing, or if they completed their chores. As parents we may get upset and become harsh and punitive on our children to make them tell the truth and show them how wrong it is to lie. This type of response actually can fuel misbehavior and make the problem worse because you are giving your energy and attention to the behavior you don’t want to see.Arguing with or lecturing to your child gives a great deal of attention and reinforcement to negative behaviors. This can create the type of relationship where the parent is in the cop role and the child plays the criminal role where the child tries to avoid getting caught. This paradigm always sets up a no-win situation and breaks down the relationship between the parents and the child. This makes the child more likely to lie in the future.
When your child lies always remember to stay calm and have empathy first. It’s very important to remember to preserve your positive relationship with your child. Even just beginning with a short phrase like “how sad …” is a good start. Next, never let them see you sweat. Even if you don’t know what to do, act like you have yourself under control. If you are not sure what to do, it’s OK to delay the consequence and say something like, “I’ll have to think about what I’m going to do about that.” This gives you time to calm down and to process appropriate responses with your partner, family or friends.
When you come up with your response, it’s best to use natural consequences which are easily enforceable. If the infraction is around the computer, the cell phone or some other item, limit access to that item until your child is willing to respect the limits you set. Otherwise, be creative on how you can set limits and consequences that are related to the infraction and are easy for you to enforce without their cooperation.
Remember, actions speak louder than words and having strong actions and few words with an understanding and empathetic attitude is always a good combination to let your child learn from life experience. Life experience is the best teacher, and when parents can facilitate situations where their child learns from life experience, then the child matures through learning important life lessons.
